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Wednesday, April 17th, 2013
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12:01 am - Tales from the TakenVerse
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"I will find you, and I will kill you"
I am just going to believe that Taken, Taken 2, and The Grey are all sequels in one long storyline and that Rob Roy is a prequel about a badass ancestor of Taken's Bryan Mills.
current mood: Bored
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, April 1st, 2013
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9:13 am - AFD!
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| Tuesday, November 20th, 2012
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1:48 am - No True Anything
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So, last year I was in Cairo at a University that treated every foreigner (like the client I was bodyguarding) like some kind of potential big-shot donor (even though she was certainly NOT handing out the kind of money they were wanting) and I was talking to students waiting to meet the next dude that would tell us how awesome this school was, how awesome the revolution was, and how we could "help". The students liked the chance to practice their English on a real-life American.
Anyhow, that lead to this conversation:
The young man was asking why Islam is regarded among Westerners as "The Explodey Religion" and why we did not realize that was unfair to a billion or so people. I stated that in defence of the Westerners, the only images and messages from Islam people in my home state are exposed to are those associated with terrorism, insurgency, war, beheadings and so on. If we hear an Arabic name on the news, it is likely in reference to someone who was killed in a drone strike.
The young man explained how those individuals are "Not True Muslims" and religion of peace and 99% of people were peaceful and so on. My response was that if you asked the family of the latest Iraqi suicide bomber what his religion was, they would say "Islam" or the latest home-made rocket scientist, or beheader or so on. While HE might not accept them as Muslim, THEY certainly claim membership in Islam and there is no firm authority to claim otherwise. This is similar to the No True Scotsman fallacy. Where the definition of a term is progressively narrowed to fit the terms of the argument. Since there is no worldwide gatekeeper on the term "Muslim", anyone can claim someone is or is not a "true" Muslim. This is true with many religions.
(I prefer the TV Tropes summary to the Wikipedia description)
Angus: No Scotsman puts sugar in his porridge!
Bonnie: But my uncle Scotty MacScotscot does just that!
Angus: Weel, then he's no' a true Scotsman.
This either wasn't persuasive or was having trouble crossing the language/culture barrier, so I held up a bottle of Coca-Cola and said something like this:
"This is a Coke. I have had a Coke more or less like this one in a dozen different nations all around the world. The entire world can recognize this is a Coke from just the name, the logo, the type face, or the shape of the bottle. There is nothing particularly unique about Coke, it is mostly water and sugar. There is some local suger/water beverage pretty much everywhere. But you know what you are going to get when you have a Coke.
If you or I were to make our own sugar/water mixture, call it Coke and put the Coke label on it anywhere in the world, and army of lawyers from Coke Headquarters would parachute down from the sky like hail and would have the full backing of whatever nation we were in to shut down our operation within a matter of nanoseconds. We all implicitly understand that this is the case and that we should respect the sacred Coca-Cola.
How is it that our sugar water is protected with more authority than our way of worshipping our god? How is it that the commandments from Moses, Jesus or the Prophet are more easily altered or mixed than the formula to our beverages? Unless we spend at least as much effort safeguarding our faiths from charlatans as we do our preferred bottled sugar water, we are destined to be lumped in with crazies and frauds whether we like it or not."
Now, the kid had a point that people from my home state are unforgivably ignorant about religions that don't involve snake-handling. But I felt that the point that the only way to have a membership mean anything is to offer the possibility to lose it. When you wonder about the positions of "The Catholic Church" or "The Democratic Party" there is a clear answer to be found. There are documented successes and failures and evolutions of opinion and the labels "Catholic" or "Democrat" or even "Republican" have some kind of meaning to parishioners or voters or whomever. If a Catholic suicide bombs a Planned Parenthood tomorrow, we do not have to wonder very long if this is an activity sanctioned by the Catholic Church, there exists an authority to tell us "Nope. Should not do that."
This brings be to a discussion from my Facebook page that is lingering with me. I was making a case (albeit in a troll like fashion) that everything posted to my wall from self-described Libertarians about the possible Hostess Liquidation was, to put it simply, mean. People were either going to take a big pay cut or lose their jobs right before the holidays and Meme after Meme boiled down to people sneering and cheering at their loss because there were union members. Being the son of a hard-working union man, it sickened me. Why would anyone choose to live in a mental world that ugly and needlessly cruel?
My - rather smart and reasonably worldly by the way - friend responded with:
FIRST:"Let me address two things here. First, about "libertarians". There are real libertarians and those who simple take the title."
LATER:
Real libertarians, didn't vote for Romney
Real libertarians, don't like Glenn Beck
Real libertarians spend a good deal of their time on the scholarly Libertarian sites such as mises.org not on "some kid from their parents basement" blog site
Many republicans are taking the name because of what they have done to conservatism, if they sound like a neo-con, they probably are.
If your "libertarian" friends see this and take offense, they are NOT libertarians."
Now, that sounds remarkably like an assertion of the "No True Scotsman" defence. But, as with Islam, there exists nothing to validate or refute his assertion. There is no official arbiter of what is and is not a "Libertarian" idea, thought, or group. There is an official (gets on the ballot) "Libertarian Party" but many of their positions are rather vague: The Democratic National Party Platform weighs in at 32 pages, the Republican Party Platform weighs in at a graphics-heavy 62, but the Libertarian Party platform is a slim 7 pages.
It is VERY EASY to maintain idealogical purity when you are never called to actually hold office and govern.
So, like it or not, when Glen Beck describes himself as a "Libertarian" (and he does), well, unless Gary Johnson wants to play Pope and excommunicate him, he is now a voice of yours whether you like it or not.
I have always interpreted "I'm not really a Conservative, I'm a Libertarian" as the political equivalent of "I'm not religious, I'm spiritual". A wishy-washy non-answer that exists specifically to shield the speaker from any kind of commitment to any particular path of action, or sometimes short for "I imagine myself as rich someday and don't want to have to pay any taxes, but I also smoke weed.". As for Von Mises, well the Libertarian Party Platform makes no mention of him by name, he passed on in 1973 when the Libertarian Party was only two years old. David Koch once ran as their Vice Presidential candidate. The most popular name associated with "Libertarian" according to Google is "Ron Paul" and he is a registered Republican... there is a point to all of this.
In the age of a Facebook group gaining a membership of thousands taking only seconds to make, in an era where information and trends can be spread without going through official gatekeepers, in the era we live in now: Clear affiliations mean more than ever.. The bottom up organization of Occupy Wall Street meant that it was harder to break up for a few months than if it had a hierarchy, but it also led to the inevitable and justified criticism that it was unclear what the movement stood for. The same thing became true of the Egyptian spring.... groups that were organized to be hard to define and combat were also unfit to change their strong following into a coherent political movement. The Muslim Brotherhood mostly ended up filling the gap in power they created. I have ALWAYS been anti-authority as part of my nature, but if the terms that describe your core beliefs are vague and undefined then you are woefully unprepared for any war of ideas. Scotty MacScotscot is one of you, either own it or define in very clear and unchanging terms why not.
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| Wednesday, October 17th, 2012
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4:39 am
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| Tuesday, October 16th, 2012
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2:02 am - The Meaning of the Universe
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All day long I work with the mentally ill. They range the full spectrum from depressed to bipolar to autistic to full on paranoid schizophrenic. This leads to many interesting conversations and moments. Today I shared what I believe to be my best working theory of the meaning of the universe.
Long ago a powerful, knowing, and wise god realized what he wanted, and that he would have to create an entire universe to allow such a thing to exist, and so his work began. He began by creating space and matter and energy and expanding these things over vast stretches of what would become the universe, then he created forces that interact between them, then fundamental particles that would store and transfer amounts of this matter and energy, and god fine tuned the universe in pursuit of his goal, watching stars form and fuse this matter into more and more complex elements, watching galaxies and celestial clusters and gas clouds form and fill the universe, and his goal drew nearer, out of trillions, one planet in one star system finally fit his criteria, and he fine tuned more, and life came to be, and life became more complex, and eventually life could take on the properties he needed, free will and creativity, and some of these life forms learned language and agriculture and science and art and how to run societies to make more of these things and there was strife and struggle and peace and joy. Some of these beings created poetic verse and musical instruments and electricity and it finally all came together in one perfect moment of pure art that justified all the effort and care and time and love that god put into this universe and he heard this perfect song and it pleased him:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtztvaGN92A
"TOTALLY f*cking worth it" said god, and then he left the universe to its own devices.
That song was "No Sleep Till Brooklyn" and it represents the creative apex of the universe.
current mood:  accomplished
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, October 11th, 2012
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11:29 pm - Details.
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Offering PRECISE results without offering precise details on how you will achieve them is called bullshitting
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, October 5th, 2012
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1:35 am - The Ghost of Politics Future.
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BEHOLD THE GHOST OF POLITICS FUTURE!
MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON OUR SOULS
The above is from a Website dedicated to precisely ONE purpose. To attack Maine State Senate Candidate Colleen Lachowicz for her actions in the game "World of Warcraft". I am not joking, the entire site exists to attack an actual candidate for the Maine Senate. She won her primary with 52% of the vote earlier this year, and individuals found her World of Warcraft gaming information, researched and collected it, presented it in a non-flattering manner (along with statistics and such for the game and community in general) and made it the sole topic of a website.
The name of her guild, posts and communications made to other gamers, even her character and level are all out there. Included are MANY posts that all sound insane out of context:
"I spent my day leveling my Alt - an Undead Warlock, and doing housecleaning and laundry"
"I can kill stuff without going to jail. There are some days where this is more necessary than others."
"I love poisoning and stabbing! It is fun! I never thought I would love it so much either. I did not start out in WoW with a rogue..."
She goes on to compare griefers to teabaggers, to brag on how progressive her guild is, and to wish ill on Grover Norquist and such.... but most of this just sounds crazy outside of the context of the game.
THIS IS THE FUTURE OF POLITICS.
Your online data is OUT THERE. Facebook posts, blog entries, even shit you do in WoW is all worth scouring through for potentially hurtful information, or information one can present out of context, distort and such. This website was "Paid for and authorized by the Maine Republican Party", and is promoted in advertisements they think are worth paying for. Maybe they are right.
In another few years people coming up from State Houses and Senates will be running for positions as Mayors, Governors, and members of the Federal House of Representatives and Senate. A few years after that possibly candidates for President will have to deal with data like this being public. I have no idea how things will be changed when EVERYONE has a million cell-phone photos of them being silly/childish/wrong online, or when mean things said while gaming on the internet is now a valid thing to use in discussion of a candidate.
If you want to see the Website, go here: http://www.colleensworld.com/
God help us all.
current mood:  cynical
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, October 4th, 2012
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1:20 am - Changes
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Wow, getting married in two and a half months. I love my job, although I have to work a second to keep things up. Spending time with Karate lessons with the Kid and Scouts. I've been doing what election volunteering I can while I can.
Bought a house in August. Love the neighborhood and neighbors, I love seeing the kid laughing and playing with kids his own age in front of the house.
My significant other scared me the other night. She stated: "I never want you to feel like you had to give up adventure to have a family.". I don't know how I feel about that.
current mood:  confused
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012
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11:33 pm - About damn time we see some political unity in this county!
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| Tuesday, April 17th, 2012
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11:48 pm - Best thing I have read in a long time:
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I know this is a long article... but it is VERY well researched and written and about the best background about the recent shooting in Afghanistan that you will hear and you will likely never here ANYTHING about this on television or the radio: From Consortium News
Somehow I feel like the last 11 years or so have been one big education in personal hubris. Learning that you can't change "the system" when you cannot even grasp the scale and depth of "the system".
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 12th, 2012
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8:48 pm - This is somehow not a joke:
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Emo's are apparantly a thing in Baghdad's Al-Sadr City now, and they are being persecuted beyond the "Cyberbullying" way and more in the "Religious extremists will murder you" way. I remember when Barbers who gave "western haircuts" were targeted the same way. I remember Al-Sadr and Al-Rubaie making statements in response to the "Death Letters" that got dropped on the doors of people who dressed or acted the wrong way. That was seven or eight years ago, but the memory is still rather fresh.
This development with Emos is far less expected than the recent incident regarding a Staff Sergeant with four tours of duty who lost his sh*t and killed about as many civilians as the average weekly drone strike. The most remarkable thing about that story is that it hasn't happened a hundred times by now. There has been so much killing.
current mood:  blank
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, September 5th, 2011
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4:03 pm - My Favorite Holiday
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For us Americans, today has been Labor Day, one of the mandatory Federal holidays. It happens to be my favorite. Unlike a celebration of our honored dead (Memorial Day) or our leadership (President's Day), Labor Day celebrates all of the people who do the work necessary to maintain our standard of living. The labor of mankind makes the manufactured goods we use in this modern life, and keep the power on and the networks running so we can use them. Human beings laboring are the single most important ingredient to this modern comfortable life that we take for granted most days.
The Department of Labor Describes it as such:
"Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country."
As of late our culture has shown increasing (and obsessive) amounts of love for businessmen and entrepreneurs and executives and traders and salesmen. Some childish souls have even used the old simplistic dichotomy of "producers" and "parasites". We tend to forget that everything modern that we possess and use and enjoy is the product of intense labor by everyday working men and women.
If we want to get technical about the "Who is a producer?" question, we would be well reminded that there are no factories on Wall Street that manufacture goods, there are no mines to procure raw materials, there are no laboratories to develop new substances and medicines, there are no centers to heal the sick or treat the wounded.... Wall Street does not produce wealth. Wall Street redistributes wealth, from the many who work to produce it to a handful of investment bankers.
I am biases, I am the son of a Steelworker who worked everyday in a man-made hell of molten steel so his family could enjoy a middle class life and I never remember him complaining. I work two jobs and am damn happy I can count myself as one of the employed. I am INTENSELY PROUD of my membership in the working class and refuse to let anyone claim there is a more decent class of people on this earth.
Have a happy remainder of your Labor Day Weekend and never forget you are a member of the greatest group of people on earth.
current mood: accomplished
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, May 11th, 2011
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2:10 am - Change
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"Willie Gillis in College", 1946, Norman Rockwell's Tribute to the G.I. Bill
Things change....
Thank G-d! things change, the restless among us would never feel happy otherwise.
I graduated from the University I am attending this past weekend. We had former President William Jefferson Clinton come to our University to get an honorary degree and speak for commencement, so that was nice.
I got back from Egypt with a few weeks to cram for finals and to get assignments done that I needed to graduate. I somehow managed to make the Dean's List this semester, although I suspect certain professor's were being generous.
Spring is here and beautiful in Missouri, I love my MidWestern home state this time of year.
I think I am finally ready to try this "commitment to a woman I love" thing that all my friends have sampled.
Osama Bin Laden, an omnipresent background character in my life for the last 10 years is dead.
Not long ago, I was mopey and sad about the political situation here in Missouri but that changed when I was in Egypt researching the revolution (well, technically bodyguarding the researchers but one cannot help but learn some things).
In November of 2010, the BIG dump of Diplomatic Cables from Wikileaks was out... these included some rather specific cables about the scope and scale of the corruption in the leadership of Tunisia. In December of 2010 the "Jasmine Revolution" began in Tunisia and Ben Ali was out of power with less violence than usually surrounds such events shortly thereafter. In January of 2011 the "White Revolution" in Egypt began in Tahrir square and, since then, more than 100 Million people are living in transitional democratic states in the Arabic Speaking World, with more potentially entering the mix soon. My faith in political action... in the pathway of TRUTH > ACTIONS OF THE PEOPLE > CHANGES IN THE SYSTEM has been restored somewhat.
My new Smartphone has an HDMI-Out and can render graphics better than my Playstation 2 could.
My employer worked with me wonderfully to accommodate my latest trip overseas. I even got a raise I didn't realize I had received.
I am quite happy for many many things right now. I have a nephew graduating and moving on to college on both an academic and football scholarship, another nephew getting married, and a job interview for a career I cannot wait to start next week.
I actually am beginning to feel like the war is behind me. I don't feel like I am on some extended leave from the conflict and that any moment I will have to be back on a plane and in body armor again. I am comfortable sitting safe at home writing this to all of the people who have followed me, offered words of advice, or done anything for me in the past several years.
Thank you, I've come a long way since my first post as a confused PFC in Baghdad back in 2004. I couldn't have done any of it without help from friends, mentors, family and the encouragement of strangers from the internet.
Trying on my cap for graduation.
About to kiss the woman who has somehow learned to put up with me.
current mood:  cheerful
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| Friday, April 1st, 2011
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10:05 am - A fascinating response from Egypt
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Still in Cairo talking with people about the revolution that has taken place. Everywhere here people love the peaceful revolution that happened here, which was no surprise, but the thing that was a surprise was that everyone, and I mean everyone, credits the inspiration to former President George W. Bush and they describe him in words one would reserve for an Angel.
Every single Egyptian and everyone from across that Arab nations are overcome with love and admiration for this man who they think of as a piece of pure heaven made into flesh and given the freedom to walk around on the Earth. None of his actions are criticized in the slightest, no one wished a single harsh word to ever hit his ears and they only wish the best for him and his staff for ever and ever.
Bush is the most admired, most loved, most respected, and most benevolent American leader these people in the Arab world have ever seen. The fondness and love are overpowering and, if the goal of our leader was to gain the United States respect, love, and loyalty from the people in this pivotal region, he truly could not have done any better. All of us in the United States, indeed from the entire Free World, should write President Bush a letter thanking him for his tireless efforts to help the causes of decency, freedom, and justice in this part of the world.
current mood: ecstatic
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
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8:50 am - Cairo
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Well, this is Cairo.
A few Observations:
#1) This city is HUGE. I have been to dense cities, I have been to spread-out cities, but this is both, a huge density of people and vehicles and buildings that goes on and on.
#2) This is the most chaotic place I have ever been to. Everything from traffic laws to building codes to addresses to internet connectivity to personal interactions.... Genuine Chaos. 30 years under a strict dictatorship did nothing to standardize any part of the Egyptian lifestyle.
#3) Cairo could give NYC some serious competition for the "City that never sleeps" title.
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| Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
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7:05 pm - Psychological Operations.
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Psychological Operations, like most Military Operations or Groups, has a well documented history that makes for a fascinating read, a good extensive collection of documents can be found here:
http://www.psyopvets.com/library/index.htm
But the core of what Psychological Operations (Now MISO) is "Persuade, Change, Influence". In Combat, a force multiplier (Surrender Appeals, Precede Shows of Force, Publicize things to our audience that make the good guys look good and the bad guys look bad.) In times of peace, you can work as PR guy for the U.S. Humanitarian Aid (People need to know when and where aid will show up), De-mining, and a myriad of other activities.
PSYOP can be a varied job. I've assessed locals on everything from how well the sewer is working to getting them to join the Iraqi Army and Militias. I've gotten messages out on everything from a loudspeaker you can wear on your back to Newspapers, Radio Stations, and Television Ads. I've dropped leaflets and handed out ungodly amounts of T-Shirts and Soccer Balls.
PSYOP can be done at the level of a three-man Tactical PSYOP Team who walk up a mountain to talk to some Village elder about cooperating with the upcoming election, or it can be about sending a million text messages to every cell-phone in Baghdad. I've been tasked with running focus groups on ads campaigns being run and dispersing crowds of hundreds of Arabs demonstrating at the gate, I've debriefed locals working with us to give us Intel and worked on programs of disinformation as well. I've manned a crew-served weapon and run around with just an M9 pistol. This is all only over the span of a few years.
PSYOP has existed throughout history of course, but Psychological Operations as we know them began in the 50's as Psychological Warfare (With units like the 1st Psychological Warfare Battalion that supported the Green Berets). There had been a CLEAR line of legality stating the PSYOP was never to influence Americans, but should be limited to targeting the enemy and foreign nationals. In 1965 PsyWar became PSYOP and the name stayed until recently with the change to MISO.
The world has changed much in the past few years, and now a leaflet dropped on a city in Libya can be photographed and sent around the world by cell phone in a matter of minutes. The distinction between "Host Nation Media" and "American Media" was less and less clear. Technology had made borders far less meaningful. PSYOP was moved more towards Information Operations and was to begin coordinating their message with Public Affairs and other, less tactical, elements.
While I was honorably discharged in August of 2010, there are PSYOP soldiers, including my personal friends, now deployed in support of operations in Iraq and Afghanistan and elsewhere through the world. The recent Rolling Stone article put them in the news again, and a search of the internet shows that "PSYOPS" has become conspiracy slang for mind control.
I assure you, I cannot make your head explode like in the movie Scanners.... unless I use my rifle. But it would be awesome if I could.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, February 27th, 2011
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10:53 pm - This WOULD be wonderful...
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I am VERY VERY hesistant to believe this is true. This does not sound like the standard Anonymous drop, and Anonymous is quick to abandon tactics that have proven rather useless (Boycotts). Anyhow, the supposed drop where Anonymous targets Koch industries:
http://anonnews.org/?p=press&a=item&i=585
current mood:  anxious
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, February 24th, 2011
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9:37 pm - Lordy....
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My god there is SO MUCH going on in the world right now that is a big deal to me.
Pan-Arab revolutions (Peaceful and Otherwise), An Army investigation into using my PsyOp brothers to influence congressional leaders, Crazy attacks on Unions in Wisconsin and some SERIOUS pulling back of the Wizards Curtain by The Buffalo Beast and Anonymous.
I'm still dating the same wonderful girl (her birthday today), battling the blizzard, seeing friends get back from Iraq this weekend, working on my research to present in three weeks, and then headed to Egypt to pull security for a Documentary Crew for a few weeks.
I was planning on writing more, but the plate is full for now.
current mood: busy
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| Thursday, February 10th, 2011
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5:39 am - Beautiful Things From Unexpected Places
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Sidebar: I plan to post more. As I have been writing more for work and academia, I have stopped writing for fun, and I think that is impacting how I write and think in a negative way. Anyhow, here's my observations:
When Soldiers and Hippies work together, it is a beautiful thing.
The Egyptian military has, so far, shown enormous restraint in response to what is likely serious pressure from pro-Mubarak forces. When our Western eyes saw protests flash across their Al-Jazeera web-feeds, many of us had the same thought: "I hope this doesn't turn into Tienanmen Square". And, to our surprise, it hasn't. Sure, there has been brawls and scrapping, but the military has not gunned civilians down.
Part of this is the professionalism of the Egyptian Military officers that were trained in the United States. Thousands of Egyptian Officers have been trained in the U.S. In addition to training on tactics, equipment, theory, and technical skills, they have been trained on the role of the military in a democratic and open society.
We should thank the hippies for some of this. For decades the "School of the Americas" and other programs where foreign military personnel were trained were notorious for cranking out goons for third-world dictators. Survivors brought their stories to American human rights organizations and the reputation led them to push for the shut down of the School of the Americas and other facilities.
After decades of pressure, the SOA changes it's name to the "Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation", and more importantly they added mandatory classes in Human Rights and the proper role of the military in democratic societies. An example from the 2004 Course List:
CMS-2 Democratic Sustainment Course Course Length: 6 weeks
To introduce and teach theory and practice of military and civilian leadership in a constitutional nation-state, drawing on the shared traditions of the countries in the Western Hemisphere. This course explores the role of the military within a democratic and constitutionally derived, civilian-controlled government. The American Council on Education (ACE) has recommended three university credit hours for this course based on a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) with Troy State University.
These courses have been mandatory for officers receiving training the the U.S. for years now at the WHISC and elsewhere, thousands of mid-grade officers in nations like Egypt have been through them, and whether this was a genuine act of decency or just something to make the hippies happy, it looks like it might be changing the world for the better.
Imagine that: A program that was the poster-boy for dictators, human-rights abuses and military coups might become a institution of progress throughout parts of the world that need progress very badly. Maybe hippies and soldiers should work together more often.
current mood: cheerful
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| Monday, January 3rd, 2011
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1:13 pm - Too Easy
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I am in a relationship at that critical time when I have to decide to either make it permanent or break up.
I started dating my best female friend. This is wonderful and... not so wonderful. On the upside, your girlfriend is now you best friend! You can be with someone who knows you well and avoid that awkward fake front we people date. On the downside... your best friend has now become your GIRLFRIEND. Everything that was ephemeral and fun and meaningless now might have meaning. Those times when you were "hanging out" now become "dates".
Being Single is EASY. Too easy. I've never had a problem getting dates or having a social group and plenty to keep me busy. I have aimed for "fun, but meaningless" with my dates for the last year or so, and gotten pretty good at it, and my best/girlfriend was my friend throughout as I drifted around my social scene and had various dating adventures and misadventures.
Relationships are HARD. Another human being is another HUMAN BEING and has all the inherent complexities implied. Their own desires for a life, family, career, home, etc.... this is obvious, but somehow easy to forget sometimes.
Being in this relationship has been good for me. I am doing better at work, academia, taking care of myself. Being in a relationship means you have an "other" who is at least vaguely aware of what are doing all the time. This stands in the way of little sessions of self-destruction. Taking two days off to shut in and eat delivery food and drink whiskey shots? Not if you have to explain it to someone who cares about you. My XBOX time has truly suffered, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to contemplate.
I am three months into this relationship. This is usually a good place to end, any more time and soul invested in another person and breaking up becomes hard, but I don't want it to end. Thing is, I don't want it to be any more than it is. I don't want to be limited in taking off on some ill-advised misadventure. I don't know if I could keep up being a good man to this woman (and her son, by the way) forever.
current mood: anxious
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mrvetinari
